aoikiji

1 Syawal 1428 Hijrah…

Selamat Hari Raya,Maaf Zahir Batin…that would be the most common phrase anyone can hear today…I’ve finished visiting all my closest relatives…so, I think it doesn’t hurt 4 me to write what’s been happening in my life lately, especially during this Ramadhan…

Perhaps, this time around..it is the best Ramadhan I have been through…dari segi pengisian ibadah dan pemantapan rohani…ingat lagi tahun lepas when I was doing my Final Year Project..my terawih is only half-month full..and mmg byk masa utk FYP je..rasa rugi sangat…tapi this year..it’s a different story..apart from that, I’m very sure now of what I want in life and my current and future goal…another biggest thing ever is that I finally found my soulmate…well,it’s too early of saying that..but for now I feel that I’ve  found someone I can hold on to..and dedicate my life to understand her, for the rest of my life…I cannot say that I’ve found the love of my life..(she’s not my wife yet…later,insyaAllah..)..but she’s the most unique and wonderful being I’ve ever encounter…so, thank you my dear Lizzy a.k.a Siti Fatimah Mohd Yusoff ...for being part of my life…

This feeling of serenity and contented, I would like to frame them in my ledger of life…and appreciates every piece of calmness and clearness they bring…people often asked what is the thing you want most in life? My answer remains the same..mardhotillah…it’s not the money that I’ve been after since I was born..nor it is the fame or glory..Ive came to know that these kind of things doesn’t fit me at all…for me,it would be great if I pass through this world, spreading kindness..helping people…and die peacefully…coz it’s in the blood..it’s the way that I’ve been raised and taught by my parents…sure, it would be a bonus if I have so much money even I don’t know what to do with it…but for now,I don’t think it is the thing I really want…afterall..later, it is not about me and the world…neither it is about me and people around me..it always comes down to the matter between me and Allah…

So..what’s next? I will continue my journey of life slowly..one step at a time..as I always do..I still have to go after my dreams of becoming a well-known master in scuba diving, especially in cold waters..research in deep sea  organisms..and doing things I like most..researching…as intel-analysis and reconstructing information is the things I’m very fond with…and not to mention that I have to finish my Masters degree and PhD in the next 6 years..

Emm..maybe now I can feel a bit relief..coz from now on..I have a clearer goal..and more importantly, I have someone to share my dreams with…"don’t walk behind me..I may not lead..do not walk in front of me, I might not follow…but walk besides me…and be my friend.." and I do hope I will not be in vain…

I really dislike people who did not fulfill their promises…it’s more to hate,to be precise…yet,as you grow up…it’s kinda hard to keep ur promises,with all the unnecessary things that turn your life upside down…

so..what if I’m th one who did not fulfill my promises? Well…I’m gonna be very upset…I mean…really, really……really..upset…I do cry if I can’t keep my promises..and worst,I do feel hopeless…coz to me..promises…it’s more like a burden u have to carry and protect it with your life…for me…if you cannot backup your words and not sure whether you can do it or not..better keep it to urself…and don’t give false hope to people who are counting on you…

There have been several occasions where I don’t keep my promises…but the one that I will remember is with nana, where I promised to send her at the airport before she’s going to London…on  21st  of September 2007…during the  most  frustrating week for me to date…and  I can’t even lift my finger to sms or call her beforehand…o I’m very..very..very upset with myself…and I can’t stop crying that night…

but..life must go on…what’s in the past is done.. I have to make it as a standard measure so I don’t fall again…so,next time…when I want to promise something to someone…I will take the responsibility of fulfilling it…nomatter at what cost…and I keep telling myself…maybe one day Allah will give me chance to make up for all my mistakes and atone my sins…and  perhaps this is  one of the test to make me stronger…to make me  nearer to Him…coz I tend to forget Him all the time…

So…nana..if u read this…do know that  I’m really  sorry for what I did..and  please know that  I didn’t mean to broke my promises…it’s just too painful to  speak..so,I’ll just swallow and keep it to myself..coz this pain…I know better…

I’ve been thinking of what kind of major events should I include in the blog entry for the past few weeks..perhaps the grand event of Appreciation Night 2007 or the once-in-a-lifetime my undergraduate Convocation, the 23rd for IIUM…how about the Fish Release Event last August? Including my sister’s Convocation yesterday at UTHM would also be nice…hmmm…

Yet, I have a better idea..(sendiri nyer claim..)..I would like to share the thing I like most in these big events that I have mentioned, or maybe in my daily life…For certain reasons, which I also dunno why..I seems to pay attention to the other side of the story..meaning? Well, let’s say that I had earned my scroll during the Convocation, after 4 years of a meaningful journey..I will look back and see many things that people tend to miss..who would have noticed that many people come to the convocation without their loved ones, their parents…who would have known that there are people who haven’t graduated yet, even if their time frame is over…?

Let’s take another example…let say there are 2 girls walking together…most of the guys would notice if  one of the girl is much pretty than the other one..I would, of course…but most of the times I would notice if there are  irregularities possessed by the other girl… how she would smile and all that…and most of the time I tend to like girls that for me deemed as unique and unusual…

So..what’s the deal? What actually I’m trying to say here…well, I feel that we always overlooked or missed the whole story when we are dealing with our daily life. We forget to put ourselves in other people shoes, and yet..we dare to judge them..even if we don’t know them…we don’t know their background…who are their friends…emm..for me…it’s just so wrong…

I remember the line from the 1st Shrek movie…the time when the donkey keep following Shrek and then Shrek asked,"why are you following me?". And the donkey answered,"why not?". Shrek replied, "I am an Ogre..6 feet tall, raging madness..people judge me before they even know me…" That line really touch me until now…That’s why I don’t make it a habit to judge people…I only judge their action…I believe that everything happens for a reason…that what keeps me motivated all the time…

And till now..I don’t know why did I choose to love and cherish something people don’t even bother to look at…to make friends with people out of the loop…to cheer up someone’s life even if I do understand that she or he won’t remember me someday…I’m doing it because I feel like doing it…and because I do know this…in the end it’s not about me and them…It’s always about me and Allah…

Today..everybody’s going 4 Sg Ruil..emm..how I want to join them,only Allah knows..the coldest place on Cameron Highland where most of us dare each other to take a bath early in the morning…sssejjjukkkkk!!!!!!(ckp ngan gigi bergetar…)But because farah hani and raihan promised to buy me lots of tea,so I don’t feel that bad…ahaks…

I want to go..as much as I want to go to Maz’s wedding tomorrow..and Syifa’s wdding too..yet sometimes we have to do something that is far more important..and in order to do that I’ve already broken 3 promises this month, with maz..with syifa…and with one of my best friend…angah…and I’m not proud of doing that…sorry guys..it’s just one of those days…I don’t want to have an intense moment with my old man again..

With Convocation closing in,as well as dinner..and also Open Day..things are getting stirred up..and somehow I got caught in the middle of it..last few days haierul asked whether I want to join them (Max,mama n few others) to Kg Pelantuk on 11th of August..emm..my heart says yes..but the reality really messed up..really…really…This semester I have to dediacate more in the lab since I’m teaching 1st year..so,I hate the idea of skipping one or two lab session..what I have endured in the past must not necessarily felt by them..they deserve the best education in the world,and that is my intention…

To those who are getting married, I wished you all a happy and lively marriage…"moga bahagia ke anak cucu..ditambahkan iman dan diberkati hidup ini..ingatlah..hidup ini indah bila semua kerana Allah.." To syifa and maz..nanti naim blk dr oversea naim dtg lawat kamu dan anak..hehe..

That’s all that I can say..for now..

-Transmission End-

On 16th May every year, most students in Malaysia will cherish the moment of their favourite person known as teacher. For me it’s even special because it is also the birthday of my former classmates, Mohd Hilmi Hassan. So, I really love to take the oppryunity, whenever I can to express my gratitude if not all, to one of my teachers. Dr Huzwah Khaza’ai is a normal, yet elusive figure when we, the 2nd batch of biotechnology come to meet her in 2003. At that moment we were introduced to lecturers such as Dr Irwandi Jaswir, Dr Ahmed Jalal Khan Chowdury (now Assoc. Prof), Sr Zaima, Sr Zarina, Sr Anil Azura and the 1st batch of Biotech. I would call it troublesome but we had to. It’s not a bad experience afterall, as Dr Huzwah was so reassuring that I even believe she was born in Cape Verde Island. Then, as times goes by, we become like family.

Few years later she emerge as the Head of Biotechnology Department, a position not even suited the potential and capability she posses. In the meantime, her husband (Dr Sokhini) also became the Head of Biomedical Science. I really don’t remember when I come into the picture, but I always remember Dr Huzwah as a dedicated Head Department who would stop at nothing to please the students, and believe me, she has the authority to do that.

Apart being a dedicated teacher, I always known Dr Huzwah for her delicious “gulai kambing”. Ask any of the students who ever went to her house and taste the meal prepared by one of the best. It’s not just that. Both of them, the husband and wife are sort of different person when they’re at home. I really don’t have a hunch to explain it, but if you know both of them very well, you’ll be mesmerized by their hospitality.

What I like about her is, we at the Kulliyyah of Science called her the Last of Malay Girl (Perempuan Melayu Terakhir). Believe me, even if we went out for sampling at Langkawi, she will casually dress up in baju kurung with no hesitation. At first I thought she was joking, but as I indulge myself (not only me, there were Mior, ‘Izzati and Faridda Hannim) in the Langkawi research team, I have to evaluate all of my thought about life. “ I really don’t seen it all yet,” is what I can say to myself at that time. One of the things said by my classmate, or Yus as we called her that still ringing in my mind is “ dr jangan pergi before batch kami habis ekk…”. I always fear that Dr Huzwah will leave someday, and as I enrolled as research assistant from December to April this year, she kept telling me she’s leaving for good. And on 1st April 2007, she really did. And so do I. She once said to me, “if you know what I felt about this place where I built it from scratches, you’ll understand what I’ve been through.” I never really understand what she meant back there, but I know that I am part of the relic she left behind. And to some extent, I am proud because I was taught by the best and deep inside I know that’s the thing that makes me who I am.

Occasionally, when I do have time, I pay visit to both of them who is now at USIM. They have plans for the future, and they advised me to do the same thing. I just laughed at the idea of getting married to the same university girl, as they have done. In fact, last week from 15th to 18th May was my best May month in these four years where I got to spend time with Veric, Ustat, Ajen, Dr Huzwah & Dr Sokhini and also Sr Zaima and her daughter Fatin at different meals. Up to this point, I think I’ve met the very finest people in my life, and I hate the thought of losing them again. THANK YOU Dr Jalal, Dr Irwandi, Sr Zaima, Sr Zarina, Sr Anil, Dr Arokiaraj, Dr Maizirwan Mel, Br Faizul, Br Khairul Dr Elwathig, experts from UPM and UKM who share their expertise for Natural Resource Management and those people I forgot to mention their name, not that I forget about their contributions and to all of my teachers. Happy Teacher’s Day. You guys are the best…

Watching Milanthrashing Man United last Thursday was a great pleasure, especially when their manager, the great Alex Ferguson was so sure that they can repeat the treble this season. Well, they push their luck too much. Likewise his counterpart Jose Mourinho at Chelseawho saw his team knocked down by Liverpool. But I’m not about to talk about Kaka’,Milan leading goals scorer in all competition this season. I’m an Arsenal fan by heart, but in Europe I am always fond by AC Milan ways, simply because there is one man I admire most in the team, and his name is Andrea Pirlo. And I want to pay tribute to this guy, as an Italian…

10 years ago, I like the style of Dimetrio Albertini in the midfield position. As a nation that has won World Cup for the 4^th time, Italy never fails to produce a talent. Yet, why am I really amazed by this fella known as Pirlo? Known mostly for his killer passes and spectacular freekicks, Andrea Pirlo is more of defensive midfielder than involved in attacking, a role I really love to play when playing football. However with his teammates at Milan that has genuine defending skills such as Gennaro Gattuso and the superb skills of Clarence Seedorf, Pirlo plays a more like central midfielder. But it’s not only the quality of passes and his superb vision that often caught the defence that make him indispensable, it is because Andrea Pirlo is a natural playmaker in the team.

Italians have a word for a player like Andrea Pirlo: ‘fantasista’. He may look languid, but his vision, passing and set-piece skills have drawn comparisons with the great Roberto Baggio.

When playing for his country, the Azzuri is strengthened by his presence. Team-mate Gennaro Gattuso once said: "When I see what Andrea can do with the ball I have to ask myself whether I am a footballer." Pirlo’s first career highlight came when Italy won the 2000 UEFA European Under-21 Championship, scoring twice in the final against the Czech Republic. Pirlo made his Azzurri debut against Azerbaijanin September 2002 and replaced the suspended Francesco Totti at UEFA EURO 2004™, starting against Sweden and Bulgaria. Under new coach Marcello Lippi, Pirlo became a key player and was instrumental for Italy as they won the 2006 FIFA World Cup, an ever-present who scored the first goal of his country’s campaign in Germany.

So, here’s the profile of this great player:

Have you ever stop for a while in your life and starts to regret some events in this journey.Well…I have.In fact it comes to a point where u wish u did not do it…perhaps there’s a better solution…perhaps…

For a moron guy who spent his entire life making up for the sins and mistakes in the past, I really LOVE my friends… Sometimes, it becomes an obsession. I just could not live without them..I could not afford to lose them. That’s the worst possible situation I can think of. Someone who are close to you simply not your friends anymore…I couldn’t take that…I just can’t…

So, what happened if you had done something that..hmm..let’s say unforgiveable (depends on individual…)..what would I do? Part of myself would say, let it be…just let them go..another part of me will struggle, can you find someone like them again? And the answer was always NO…then, I know I had to struggle to keep my friends around. Sounds pathetic huh? But that’s the thing I think it makes me happy most…having friends…

My friend once asked me..what happened if someday you have to choose between friend and love…and that day indeed came..and I’ve already made a choice..I still choose friendship…why?? Love leaves a cut inside my heart..it heals,opens and hurts again…something you called scars..likewise friendship…you will have intense argument and bad times..but the different is you know one day the bond of friendship will attach itself again…just give it somet times…and I BELIEVE in that…someday…this will gets better…I hope…

"fate works in a very mysterious way"..that’s the saying I used to hear from my best friend.Well,these few weeks I’m starting to believe it is true. You want to run from something,or perhaps you don’t like someone…yet…they drew closer to you.Starting from departure of Dr Huzwah from kulliyyah, the not-so-good argument with my cousin and until don’t-know-what-to-do of me now,many things had happened.A lot…I would say…

Sometimes,because of the intensity and fast cycle of my everyday life,I just want to be somewhere else.Yet during my attendance to Bro Kamarul’s wedding,I learned something very precious.Yeahh…I got to see my friends,have a good chat and etc.It feels really good to see them.I just don’t know how to say it.Despite our differences in the past,when we are apart,time just makes us nearer to each other.At least that’s what I felt at that moment.And I really don’t care what they feel bout me.The most important is what I feel about them…They are my friends,so I’m gonna stick with them until I die.As long as I have this feeling….

Hence..to my so called cousin and her forever friend,I would really apologise for my action…whenever is inappropriate.And no matter what u do,I’ll stick with you guys…coz that’s the thing I do best….

So…it’s about time..there’s nothing left to do here..my friends will all graduate latest by April..cool huh? Now we all can go together and pursue our dreams…it’s gonna go back at square one…we all have to start together again..some nak kawin..awang bulan 5…mughnii tentatively bulan 12…so kena save duit la kalau nak pergi…

Some nak kerja dulu…some nak sambung belajar….I’m glad to know that all of my friends have their own plans for the future…well, those  who fail to plan will fail kan..haa,smlm jumpa seorg old friends…xdela old sangat beliau ni..tp baru tau yg dia pakai eyeglass…hmm,quite cute though,hehe…i owe her my life…coz if she did not tell me what she supposed to tell,i’m not gonna be here…maybe may life was a wrecked…but thanks to her i manage to get back on my feet…that’s why i treasure my friend very much…susah nak ckp…tp sumtimes it’s way beyond the love for myself…and most of the times i don’t have the opportunities to say it out loud how much i love them…

Thanx guyz…ur the best!!!!!!

Tomorrow I’ll be joining a class trip to Tasik Chini. How many trips have it been since I join the group of environmental biotechnology?. Let me c…Langkawi,UM field research area, Port Dickson, KLIA, MARDI…and yet I still want to see other people places…why??

entoh ler…jln2 best kot…makan free, accomodation free…belajar pun free…hmm..bawak diri je la kan…pastu mula la teringat zaman2 masa join COMRADE dulu…pergi Pos Tuel, Kg. Leryar, Kg. Susu, Kg. Kenang, Kg. Sg. Pelantuk…pastu DRIC yg best kat Gunung Senyum…wah..rindunya zaman student…sgt seronok dpt berjalan2…

Jadi apa pointnya tulis dlm blog nie..like Cantona said, "when u are young, u are not afraid to try…u see everything as something that’s really fun..so my friend, do not grow up.." hehe…